Ok, so there's this blog that people have called the "Guys Rules". I'm a girl, so yes, I am a little biased, but I think there are some serious problems with the original blog. So, like my other blog I wrote (31 things that girls want guys to know), I'm going to be correcting those issues. So here it is (the original is included at the bottom). Please note, these are all lettered "E" (as in the math term for an ongoing number -- it's the closest I could get to an infinity symbol) on purpose. Guys, you may have the fist word, but we girls will always have the last.
E. Women are not mind readers either. Yes, we may be able to pick up on a few more things when it comes to emotions, but don't think that, just because we're girls, we know what problems you have in your life. That's why communication is so important to us.
E. Again, it's not that we mind putting the toilet seat down. It's just that it looks so.... tacky when you leave it up. What happens when one of our friends stop by for a visit and she goes into the bathroom as sees the seat up with your pee on it? Ew. That's gross. Plus, it's totally embarrassing. Please, just humor us. Put down the seat.
E. We have no problem with letting you watch your sports. But when it starts to become an obsession where nothing matters and you start to shut us out, then we start to get concerned. So go ahead. Watch your sports. Sometimes we might even watch them with you and cheer and shout at the tv and eat nachos and all that crazy stuff. But just make sure that the sports don't replace us, because if they do, we'll probably replace you.
E. No, shopping is not a sport. Only extremely ditsy girls think it is. Don't be stereotypical and think that all girls think it's a sport or something. Yeah, it's fun. And if you walk around the mall all day (without buying something at the food court (except a bottle of water) mind you), you can burn some calories. But we're not so stupid as to think that it's a sport.
E. Yes, crying may be blackmail sometimes. But sometimes it's not. I, for one, do not like crying in front of guys -- or anyone for that matter. So know that, if a girl starts crying, listen to her. Find out what's wrong. And you may need to make a judgment call on whether or not she's seriously upset, but don't just assume that she's trying to blackmail you. On the same token, if we're trying to break up with you, don't start crying and saying that we're what keeps you going. That's only gonna make it harder for us. And in the end, do you really want to be with us if we don't love you? We're trying to be nice, but by crying your eyes out, we might resort to the nasty breakup method -- and believe me, we don't like it anymore than you do.
E. We get that you're guys and you're "so incapable" of taking hints. But it's kind of weird for us to go right up to you and say something like, "Our one year anniversary is in one week. You need to plan something special." I mean, doesn't that sound like we're putting a lot of pressure on you? Wouldn't you rather us say something like, "You know, we've been together for almost a year now. Are you thinking of something special?" See? We're practically saying the same thing. The only difference is that the first way sounds more demanding and the second way is more like a suggestion/passing thought. Also, if it seems like we're hinting at something (please don't say that you can't tell when we're hinting-- we can understand when you don't know what we're hinting about, but if you don't know when we're hinting... that's a little bit sad) -- Anyways... If it seems like we're hinting at something, say something like, "I know you're hinting at something, but keep in mind that I'm a guy and that means that sometimes I'm kinda stupid when it comes to hints. Just tell me, what are you hinting at?" That's perfectly acceptable and we'll probably respect you for trying to decipher our hints instead of just blowing them off like most guys do.
E. Yes and no are acceptable answers... sometimes. Other times, though, we want to, I don't know, actually have -- dare I say it? -- a conversation. You know what that is, right? So yeah, it's fine to answer us with "yes" or "no" sometimes, but if that's all you ever say as an answer, we're going to start to get frustrated with you. And sometimes we'll be patient... and sometimes we won't. And if we get impatient with you too often, chances are, we'll move on to someone who doesn't make us frustrated.
E. Usually, we will want help solving our problems if we share them with you. You're our big strong guy. We want our big strong guy to help us with some of our problems (not all of them, though -- we're big girls too). But sometimes, if we've had a lousy day, it's just nice to sit on the couch with you and just let it out. And when that happens, just be nice and at least seem sympathetic (a real man really would be sympathetic, but I understand that sometimes you don't understand why something seems so bad to us). And know that most of us won't have complaining parties very often. Personally, I hate having them. And we understand that there are probably a lot of things that rank higher than "listening to my girlfriend talk about what a bad day she had" so we don't want to bore you. But keep in mind that you are our boyfriends. So every once in awhile, when we've had a bad day, just let us complain for maybe half an hour -- tops. We'll love you and respect you all the more for it.
E. I don't know why the guy that wrote the original "Guys Rules" talked about seeing a doctor if you have a headache for 17 months. My guess is that he had a girlfriend that actually did have a headache for that long. In any case, if for some reason, we refuse to go to the doctor after having a headache for more than, say, a week or two, make us go. That's all I really have to say about that.
E. If anything that was said longer than 7 days ago isn't relevant anymore, then you have a serious problem. Try to say what you mean. If your mind is seriously going to change every 7 days, then my guess is, not many girls will stick around for very long. In fact, some girls might change their minds about liking you after 7 days. Because I mean, what if you don't say "I love you" for 7 days. Do you not love us anymore? What if you said, "I hate bananas" eight days ago? Couldn't we then buy you a banana cream pie with the excuse that "Anything you said more than 7 days ago isn't relevant anymore."? See how flawed this reasoning is?
E. Soap opera guys reveal that, in fact, they are our long lost twin brother and that all this time, we've been engaged to his twin brother... which means that we're actually triplets. And then we would realize that we've been dating our brother. Do you think we want you to act like a soap opera guy? So you can pretty much forget the Victoria's Secret thing...
E. Ok, maybe we are fat. But, if we're asking you if we're fat (and we're being serious about it -- meaning, we're not saying something like "*Giggle/smile* Do you think I'm fat? *Fake pout while grabbing nonexistent fat on stomach* Because I really think I need to lose weight." If we're saying that, we're just fishing for compliments, don't support that).... Anyways... If we're seriously asking you if we're fat (even if we really are), never tell us that we are. We value how you see us. It's important to us. So don't say something like, "Heck yes you are!" That's the best way to have a crying girlfriend who'll shut the door in your face. Also, don't say, "It doesn't matter that you are. I still love you." That's a better effort, but you're still calling us fat. This is a serious thing. Too many girls become anorexic or bulimic after being told that they're fat. Instead, try this approach, "I really don't see how you can consider yourself fat. You're just right where you are! Even though you really aren't fat [yes, lie if you have to], if it'd make you feel better, why don't we schedule a work out date?" Said workout date would consist of running along the beach or riding bikes in the park or the like, followed by a carefully planned healthy picnic. You don't have to make this a regular thing. Once or twice should be enough to boost the girl's self esteem.
E. Ok, I'm going to quote the original here, "If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one" That's stupid. Seriously. Think before you talk. So often, guys criticize girls for speaking without thinking. Well then, if you're going to say something that might insult us and then try to cover it up by saying that you meant it in another way, then you should listen to your own advice and think before you say it. Get it?
E. I actually have no qualms with this one. I'm a big believer in self sufficiency. However, there are a few exceptions. For example, we might be too short to hang something up. In that case, we might want it hung a specific way. Please, just help us out. Also, if we're not strong enough to lift/carry something, it'd be nice if you could help out with that too. We'll appreciate it.
E. Talking during the commercials is good. Most of the time we don't like to talk while your show is on. It means that we probably won't get your full attention (keep that in mind when we're watching our show -- if you talk while the show is on, you probably won't get our full attention either). If you have told us that you'd prefer it if we didn't talk during the commercials and, for the most part we don't, please listen to us on the few occasions that we do. It's probably important. And if it isn't, please, just humor us. If it becomes a habit of ours, a friendly reminder is perfectly fine.
E. Christopher Columbus was looking for India. He ended up in North America. He needed directions, so you do too.
E. Expand your pallet. There are so many more colors out there! Guys are always telling us to be more specific. When we use those "fancy" color names, we are being more specific. Think of it this way: The guy on the football field is not just a football player -- he's the quarterback or running back or a wide receiver etc. etc... In the same way, the color is not just "purple" -- it might be lavender, mauve, violet, or plum. Get it?
E. Itches are understandable. However, if you're meeting our parents for the first time and a certain part of the male anatomy is itching, it may not be the best time to scratch it. So, yeah, we're not going to prevent you from scratching, and therefore subject you to irremovable torture, but please use your best judgment as to when the best time to scratch is.
E. If we're acting like something's wrong, but we say "nothing" when you ask what, chances are, we don't want to talk to you about it right now. The best way to deal with this is to say something like, "I know something's wrong and if you don't want to talk to me about it, that's ok. If you ever do want to talk or if you need anything, I'll be right here, ok?" Then proceed to give us a hug.
E. The original says this: "If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear." That's fine. Don't encourage us to go fishing for compliments (because, chances are, that's what we're doing). However, don't ever be mean. That's a good way to get dumped -- or at least shut out for awhile.
E. We're girls. What we wear (and clothes in general) are a lot more important to us than it is to you. We like to look good. So while you may feel comfortable wearing sweats to a fancy dinner, chances are, we're not. Just let us be girls.
E. Yeah, we probably don't care that much about golf or shotguns, but sometimes it's just nice to hear what's going on in your head. It's sort of comforting sometimes. And if you want to talk about golf or shotguns, we'll listen (for awhile at least). Also, sometimes we'll ask you what you're thinking if something seems to be wrong. We want you to share your problems with us. We want you to know that we're here for you.
E. Ok, we probably have enough clothes. But shopping is still fun! And, as I said before, we like to look nice. So we don't like our clothes to be out of style.
E. We DO NOT have enough shoes. We need shoes to match with things. We need walking shoes, dressy shoes, heels, flats, boots, flip-flops... The list goes on. I, myself, have about one pair of each of those -- so you can forget about variety/color coordination.
E. If you don't care about what kind of shape you're in, then don't jump on us when we're gaining a little weight -- we're probably already really self conscious about it.
E. Thank you for reading this. I know that maybe you think that I've been a little harsh. But hey, it's probably better for you to read this on a blog then hear it from your own girlfriend, right?
P.S. I'm glad camping is fun for you, but don't expect us to go on camping trips with you all that often. Some of us have had.... interesting -- scratch that -- HORRENDOUS experiences with camping. Let's just say it might have involved the boy scouts, a younger brother, forgotten matches (and therefore no fire), no food, and below freezing temperatures .... in a cheap, thin, canvas tent .... in late October... in the rain/snow. So yeah, you can have your camping, just don't plan on proposing to us on a camping trip or anything like that -- we probably won't be in the best mood right then. Ok? Thank you very, very much.
Created by cookiedough28
Here's the original:
1. Men are NOT mind readers
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.