I don't think there is malice in a joke when you make fun of your friend's hair. You say your spirit aches when someone makes a joke about you, but it is obvious that you are offended not just your spirit. I think it is all about the setting and who you are with, if its your best friend I don't think they would care if you bug them about there hair or make some joke at thier expense. But if it is someone you just met, it would be rude to make joke about them. I think your being a little too sensative about this.