[color=#800080] So what is the next missing ingredient for healthy Spirit led intimacy in marriage? Specifically, for the wife (and also the husband to some extent), her next area in which she needs to be holy (set apart) unto the Lord is that of the private areas of her body. She needs to maintain a modest heart [1 Timothy 2:9], which will bear fruit into her life by her physically being (outwardly dressing) modest. In order to ensure that there is as little hindrance as possible to the level of intimacy she's able to share with her husband...she needs to guard the private areas of her body as most precious, so that no man (other than her husband alone) will see or touch those areas of her body- that only her husband should. In other words...she will not allow (and she prays against at every turn) any situation involving her wearing immodest clothing, describing private areas/acts, or touching of private areas by (as well as in front of) a man who is not yet her husband. These areas of her heart and body are most precious to her husband, so they should be treated as such...out of love for him as well. These areas of her body are reserved for her husband alone and she will not allow a view of her nakedness (even potentially) to be seen by a man (whether the man has six degrees behind his name or not), unless she is in the very act of giving herself to him as her new husband. In order to have complete intimacy with her husband, she needs to be able to save for him EVERY private area of her body (and even the private areas of her heart) so that her husband can feel free to open up those areas of His own heart...which were made to cherish her privacy as his own, his wife's, and the Lord's alone. A husband needs the assurance that his wife is doing her best to save these areas of her body for him alone (whether she has in the past or not) or else he'll not be able to share this very sensitive area of his own heart. You see, here's something that most women (and even most men) don't understand about a husband...men have a natural (God given) need in their heart, which is fulfilled when they have the assurance that their wife's private areas and private activities are for him alone. This is why a woman being a virgin has always been so much more emphasized than for a man to be a virgin- all throughout human history. I'm sorry to say that men have often taken this to extremes in order to try to deal with this longing in their heart. First, many a man has abused women in order to try to fulfill this natural desire (making women cover their entire body, being over-possessive, or treating woman like mere property). Yet, there is a second (also destructive) way in which men try to deal with this natural longing (that their wives be privately set apart for them alone)...they choose to forcefully sear (desensitize) their own conscience in this area and just totally close shut that place in their heart (eventually subconsciously blocking it desperately against vulnerability to even the softest touch). Once they allow this area of their heart to dry and harden, only the Lord can give life to that area again (upon that man's repentance of living this way). What would motivate a man to do such a thing? Fear, pressure, doing what "seems" acceptable, or to kill the pain he feels (or should feel) as his wife shares these private aspects of herself with other men. For example, in our culture it's deemed acceptable for a woman to go out in public wearing clothing that covers no more than common underwear (and much less than most past Christian generation's underwear)- as long as she is at the beach, swimming pool, playing a sport, or sitting in front of someone who happens to have a degree to practice medicine. You see, our culture has taught and conditioned us from very young that we should live by fear or pleasure- rather than believing the Lord will provide for our needs and will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can withstand. Yet, the Word of God says that "the just shall live by faith" [Romans 1:17] and "man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word which proceeds from the mouth of God." [Matthew 4:4] There is no temptation, which has come upon you, that is not common to man and the Lord will always provide a way of escape (that is, if we seek Him for one). [1 Corinthians 10:13] Another thing we've been conditioned to accept is that clothing is not so much to cover the body, but rather to decorate it. The need to cover those more private areas of our body, for modesty's sake, is no longer a welcome idea in our society. If the weather is fair, we just strip down to the "bare" minimum and have a "good time"...oblivious to the hidden damage we're causing to the hearts and lives of those around us. The key is that most women (and men) have given up on seeking the Lord to meet their needs in these areas and have been convinced by the world (contrary to God's Word) that there is no escape (compromising your modesty is necessary). Well, you just have to decide in whom you will believe. The Word is clear and the fruit of modesty is well worth any persecution the world can dish out- for us taking a stand on holiness. We need to be taking to heart that "women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety..." [1 Timothy 2:9] "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." [Joshua 24:15] This second way of men coping with their wife's accepted immodesty has a huge impact on marital intimacy and this is what most men in our culture choose (or are conditioned from a very young age) to do. This area of a man's heart is a MAJOR part of what enables him to be truly intimate (at the heart level) with his wife. Once a man shuts this area of his heart down (knowingly or unknowingly), intimacy at the heart level is minimal if any. This has proven very frustrating for so many wives in our culture...the men just seem to be lacking in heartfelt expression for and during intimacy. They are instead flesh focused, absent minded, or at the most they will only interact with her at a mental/emotional level. This is taking away the most important element: for those in the marriage bed to share from the deepest places of their heart (completely and openly) in order to experience and be led by the Spirit into truly fulfilling intimacy together. The Word presents a much more balanced way for men and women to deal with this need in a husband's heart. Scripture is very clear that the wife belongs to the husband (she is his private property), but the Word also says that the husband belongs to the wife (he is just as much her private property as she is his). Now, as we know from the whole of Scripture, the husband has primary authority over his wife...but the point of the following verse is that the wife also has legitimate rights to be intimately fulfilled by the husband: [1 Corinthians 7:4] "For the wife does not have [exclusive] authority {and} control over her own body, but the husband [has his rights]; likewise also the husband does not have [exclusive] authority {and} control over his body, but the wife [has her rights]." Personally I think that's beautiful and I love that God offers this blessing of making us so completely one (body, soul, heart, and spirit) with whom we marry- so that we will belong to each other in the Lord. In the husband's heart especially, if he is naturally sensitive to his wife, an emotional bond forms toward her more intimate and private places of her body. If those areas are exposed to other men, he will feel a deep pain like no other and will be tempted to close this area of his heart (desensitize it)...so that he doesn't have to feel this dull knife cutting at his heart again and again. It actually has very little to do with jealously and everything to do with a man's God given emotional sensitivity to his wife's most cherished places shared during their times of intimacy. In summary...to the extent that we seek and follow the Lord to have a pure & holy (set apart) heart unto Him (as well as unto our marriage partner)...to the extent that we guard what is private and should only be shared with those whom we are "one flesh" with (including private areas of our hearts and our bodies)...to that same extent we will be able to enjoy a wonderful blessing of the most fulfilling intimacy between our partner and the Lord (in the Marriage Bed and in every other expression of our intimate times together). This now leads us to the next step in this journey. How can we discern what thoughts and images are harmful to our hearts? How do we determine what is modest and acceptable, in order to maintain a healthy conscience and a pure heart? In other words...what are the day-to-day building blocks, which will result in either a holy sanctuary (marriage bed) unto the Lord or that will result in the damaged (compromised) experience of intimacy that the world offers as the norm? We need to address an issue that is central among the building blocks, which will either make or break our ability to experience true Spirit Led Intimacy in the Lord: porn. For those who have not yet read the threads "What Is & Is Not Porn" ([url]http://www.mypraize.com/index.php?option=com_fireboard&Itemid=214&func=view&id=474266&catid=2[/url]) as well as "What Is & Is Not Modest" ([url]http://www.mypraize.com/index.php?option=com_fireboard&Itemid=214&func=view&id=474688&catid=2[/url])...I would recommend you read over those first. This subject has been discussed in depth there and I would like to move forward into another aspect of awareness in these areas of our lives.[/color] __________ [i][Song of Solomon 4:10-12] "How fair is thy love, my sister, my wife! how much better is thy love than wine!"[/i] [url]http://spiritledintimacy.com[/url]