It's easily one of the hardest things I've ever done. She was my only really serious relationship and my best friend. We were together all through college, and I finally came to the point where I knew we needed a break. It really sucks, though. I feel bad for me, sure, but I feel worse for her. I'm not angry at her and I didn't want to break her heart, but of course I know I have and it tears me up. :( :( :( *sigh*

[b]BrotherReed wrote:[/b] [quote]It's easily one of the hardest things I've ever done. She was my only really serious relationship and my best friend. We were together all through college, and I finally came to the point where I knew we needed a break. It really sucks, though. I feel bad for me, sure, but I feel worse for her. I'm not angry at her and I didn't want to break her heart, but of course I know I have and it tears me up. :( :( :( *sigh*[/quote] Oh my! What happened? Why did it have to end?

Truth is trouble has been brewing for a long time. I've been back and forth on it for the better part of two years. What it really comes down to is that I don't feel like I can be myself around her. I feel she looks down on me for the things I say and do. Actually I feel she looks down on anyone who doesn't live up to her high standards. And in fact she does have problems with me, problems that neither of us have been able to solve through any amount of discussion or compromise. For instance, a recurring one is that I love movies - I love talking about them and writing about them as well as watching them, and I like anything that's well done and artistically presented. She feels threatened because I don't think watching films containing nudity is wrong. I think the human body is beautiful and not shameful, but she thinks it's morally offensive. I think cursing and drinking have their place (I myself don't drink, and I don't curse very much)... and there's other things. Smaller, more abstract things that are just as concerning. And here's the thing, she doesn't get mad at me. She just closes up and gets all pouty and touchy. It's really ridiculous. I on the other hand don't fault her for her beliefs and would never tell her not to follow her conscience. My only requirement is that she love and accept me for who I am, not who I was in high school or who she hopes I'll be in 10 years. And in the last two years I haven't seen that. At the end of the day, she's not willing to budge her beliefs and I'm not willing to change myself, so we come to a standstill. I think the only way we're going to be able to put these issues and others in perspective is to spend some time apart. Hopefully that way we'll see whether we find that we can't live without each other and come running back, or that we can find someone else better suited to our ideals.

Wow, man, that's intense. My heart goes out to both of you guys for the pain I'm sure you're both feeling right now. I can't help but think a little of my own relationship. It hasn't been nearly as long... we've only been together for about three and a half months, but we have those exact differences you describe in your relationship. I love movies, I love talking about movies. As you said, I also look for artistic value and accomplishment in the films, and honestly don't pay much mind to the content loathed in conventional standards today. However, my girlfriend can't stand sexual content in them. We also share those differences you described when it comes to cussing and whatnot. So far, we have been able to compromise and come to a mutual understanding/respect of each other's differing convictions and I believe it has only built us up as individuals and as partners. I just hope it stays that way!

That is a difficult thing... I personally have a very hard time with understanding how guys can watch nudity, or sex in movies. Now, I'm not saying you are sinning by watching them, but I know I personally have a huge problem with it. Sex and sexual things are very sacred to me and are kept only for my wife. I know my wife feels the same way. I know if she were watching naked men on the big screen I would be very offended. Her body is mine, and mine is hers. When she pictures a naked body in her mind at any time, intentionally or unintentionally, I want it to me mine and nobody else. I understand that it may not be a sin for her to see a naked body, but it is still very offensive to take that from me. It is not hers to have except from me. I am pretty sure that God created clothing for a reason. If nudity was purely very beautiful and an artistic creation of God, then He would not have created clothes. Nudity IS beautiful, but it is not to be public. I think your girlfriend has the right to want you to not see that in movies, even. if you are not sinning. That's just my take on it. Other than that, I don't see any problem in what you were saying, Though, I have had those same problems. One day we both just opened up our hearts about these controversial things, and I explained how I FEEL about all of it, and she responded that she knows I want whats best and said that she would trust me with my convictions. I think expressing your feelings rather than what you think is very helpful and important. I'm not sure if anything I am saying is at all useful seeing that you already cut it off... but I hope you can get something out of it.

I just feel the church in general has a very negative view of things. That the trend is to reduce anything or anyone to their most glaring flaw. I refuse to live life that way. Like Paul said, test everything and hold on to what is good. I look for the good in things, that's my angle. I won't live like I'm tip-toeing through a mine field. I'm tired of constantly having to guard against being the person that God made me because I think the person in life who is supposed to encourage and lift me up will disapprove. Whether it's right or not is almost a secondary issue. The important thing is that we are there for each other, and I feel she's only there for me if I'm doing things her way. Pots, I admire you and your girlfriend's ability to be able to compromise and respect each other's points of view. I likewise hope you will continue to grow in that mutual respect. That's what I wanted to get to here, but I couldn't. I could respect her convictions, but she couldn't respect mine. She was adamant that she not kiss anyone but the person she would eventually marry. So for four years I held her up in that and never pressured her. But she wouldn't trust my convictions, only her own. And I've been miserable. For months I've been unhappy, constantly frustrated and angry, always living in guilt. Not guilt from the Holy Spirit. Not true conviction. The kind of guilt I shouldn't have to live with because I'm not doing anything wrong. Well I'm through apologizing for who I am and what I believe. If she wants me back, she'll have to come to grips with that. In the meantime, yes, it is very sorrowful. But it seems it had to be done.

I hope things turn out for the best. That is really a crappy situation... Seek God and what He has for you.

Yeah, man, I really hear what you're saying. That's got to be a really painful situation. It seems to me that you made the right decision, though I don't claim to hold any kind of refined wisdom in this area. I pray that God would guide you both in this time. I pray that if you've made the right decision God would encourage you and lift you up, and I pray that if you have made a mistake and have things figured out wrong then I pray the Lord would reveal that to you in His ways and time.

Man, I just saw this. That's definitely rough. I've gone through things somewhat similar to that. At the same time, I've had convictions based upon my studies of Scripture that I showed Kathryn (my girlfriend) before we began standing together. I wanted her to know exactly where I stood before anything happened. As we went along, she's pointed out double standards and faults within my own life, and I find it a good thing. The thing is...that's what I actually want in a relationship...we can tell each other when the other is tripping up, while helping them get back on their feet at the same time. I know that's not exactly what you meant, but yeah. I remember when we started talking about standing together, she told me that she wasn't going to change for me, and that the only person she'd change for is God. I told her that was fine so long as she would make an effort to study Scripture with me so we could come to a conclusion on different moral subjects together (e.g., movies with nudity, cussing, etcetera). I think God granted me a little wisdom there lol. We could nip any of those types of arguments in the bud.

that realy stinks dude,she just wasn't right for you.