"My Hell"-by Disciple It's not found in throwing roses on a grave Or in the cursed bottom of a bottled plague It wasn't in the torment that will never fade But I see the truth now This was my hell living without You here Even Heaven is hell if somehow You were not there If You were not there It wasn't in the flames that won't stop burning Or within a fire that is never quenched It wasn't in the brokenness of all my failings But I see the truth now Lord, I need to breathe You Drink You, dream You Nothing ever will compare Need to breathe You, drink You Dream You, need You This song just really hits me. I have a hard time listening to this song without breaking into tears, the good kind. Sometimes I just wonder how many of us really have this kind of mentality. Do we really feel like a day or place without Jesus with us is torture? Or do we just say that, not really believing it? Or even worse, do we not think of it at all? So many times in this life, I think we just focus way too much on the things around. We go around, "throwing roses on graves." We live our lives just remembering that torment. We focus on things that don't really matter. These things are magnified infinitely by the fact that we're not focusing on Jesus. We're just sit there, continuing to throw roses on a grave, mourning over things of our past, parts of us that died. Instead, we should be running to the one who can take it all away. That reminds me of another song by Disciple called "After the World. Here are the lyrics: Was I there for the worst of all your pain? And was I there when your blue skies ran away? Was I there when the rains were flooding you off your feet? Those were My tears falling down for you, falling down for you I'm the One that you've been looking for I'm the One that you've been waiting for I've had My eyes on you ever since you were born I will love you after the rain falls down I will love you after the sun goes out I'll have My eyes on you after the world is no more Think about it. God is the one who has always been there, and He is the one who will always be there. Have you ever had one of those days when you feel like it's raining on top of your head, but there's no physical rain in sight? Well, couldn't that be the tears of God falling down from Heaven onto you? I know a lot of people who think that God doesn't care about them. Don't think this for a second. The best of friends will cry for you when you go through something. How much more does our creator in Heaven cry for us? Now, back on topic. "It wasn't in the brokenness of all my failings." Just think about it a little bit more. This song is talking about Hell, true Hell. Often times, we feel like we are going through hell in our life. Well, "this was my Hell, living without you." True hell, worse than anything ever, is when you're not living for Jesus when you're living without Him. When you live without Him, you live broken, crying out for someone to save you, but no one's there. Why is there no one there? Because Jesus Christ is the only one who can deliver you from that pain. Everything is truly hell when we live without him, when he's not there in our hearts. Lord, let this be my prayer. "Lord, I need to breathe You. Drink You, dream You. Nothing ever will compare. Need to breathe You, drink You. Dream You, need You." Lord, let me fly high on broken wings.

So i'm sitting at work ... and decided to go back onto mypraize and check out the forums... so that work doesn't seem so dull and this post caughts me off guard! Tears started to well up in my eyes and there in my office i just longed to be able to drop everything and praise my savior... and just get face down before the King. I have a longing in my spirit ...... to let Christ unleash the bondage that i've let my life create in me. My job, my family, my past.... There is so much i wanna say.. but i can't express it... DHfan... thank you... Really