The past few months, I have been feeling really down. A mixture of things have come at me all at once. For example, it hit me that a friend that I have known for a huge part of my life is moving, and I was upset that I only had so much time with him. About a week after that hit me, my pappaw had a heart attack. He is okay now, but that week, I was extremely depressed. It felt like everything that could go wrong went wrong and like the whole world was against me. However, I kept holding on. I changed. I was drifting away from God. I said things that I will never be proud of. It seemed as if God never even existed in my life. I was terrible. However, something kept me holding on. My friends began to wonder what was wrong when I hit 'ignore' on their phone calls, didn't answer messages, and steered the other direction when I was approached. My best friend said that she felt like she was losing me, and that I just wasn't Kayla anymore. Then, my church friends almost threw a party when I showed up to church on Sunday. Obviously, it was getting bad. However, I kept holding on. Today I realized that it was rediculous. I was listening to a somewhat inspirational song. When I heard the words, rather than just listened to them, I got a grip on myself. All this time, I have felt completely alone. Just as if I was in a pitch black room by myself, except the door never opened... It was locked. "When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe someone's watching over me." -Hilary Duff. These are the words that made me realize: I am not alone. I was never alone. I will never be alone. Even when the world turns against me, God is still on my side. I cried when I realized how dumb I was to ever think that I was alone. Now I am smiling because God is here. God has always been here. God will always be here. I'm holding on. So, I am officially re-dedicating my life to God. I want to be the best Christian I can be. I want to tell people about him. I want people to be able to look at me and see him. Annother thing I want is for all of you to be right here with me. Even though we are not physically with eachother, I want to have conversations about God. Maybe a thread for only Bible Study? Maybe some of you have other suggestions. I would like to hear them. Any suggestions are accepted and wanted. =] It feels great to have all this out there... -Kayla P.S. Anyone who is going through something of this sort, please PM me. =] -K